The last year and a half has been a difficult time for Kathleen and myself. Since March of 2009, we have experienced multiple miscarriages. The most difficult hurdle in this experience was the emotional struggles that were faced in respect to the loss of our children (Yes, I do believe life begins at conception. Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee…”). There were moments in the middle of the night that I would awake to Kathleen’s tears of sadness, and there were times I even wondered if God would ever allow us to train a child.
One thing I have realized is that we are not the only ones who have experienced this difficulty, and we will certainly not be the last. In light of this, I want to share with you my heart in how we managed through these miscarriages. I recently wrote down 6 things that helped us cope with our miscarriages.
1. Stay consistent in the Word & Prayer.
Though this may seem elementary, it is life changing. How many times have we seen people walk away from faithfulness to God in the midst of their trials. It began when they stopped walking in the Word. Your hope will come from the Word of God. Psalm 119:56 says, “This I had [hope], because I kept thy precepts.” No matter how difficult this experience may be, stay consistent with your fellowship with God.
2. Embrace the comfort of God’s people.
One the greatest blessings to me during the time of our miscarriages was the comfort of our local church. I’ll never forget the night I stood up to tell our church that my wife had experienced her first miscarriage, just three days after I told them we were expecting our first child. It was an emotional roller coaster for three days. It blew me away when so many came to me after the service and said, “We know what you are feeling for we have been there too!” It would’ve been easy to run and hide during the trial, but God has given me a local church to comfort, encourage, and strengthen me during these days. Don’t run from it – embrace what God has given you to encourage you. Hebrews 10:25 says, “Nor forsaking the assembling of ourselves together…but exhorting [encouraging] one another…”
3. Daily remind yourself that God always does what is right and what is best.
So much could be said here. There was one thing I guaranteed the Lord I would not do during our miscarriages: I was not going to blame Him nor be bitter against Him, because He always does what is right and what is best. Our miscarriages were not a result of God overlooking my home, it was the result of the sovereign hand of God. Though I cannot explain why God chose this for us, I trust Him and know He always does what is right and what is best. Psalm 119:68 says, “Thou art good, and doest good.” Verse 75 says, “I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right.”
4. Refuse to compare your situation with others.
There were times it would have been very easy to compare ourselves with those who didn’t take care of the children that God had given them. I remember, at the time, there was a family attending our church where the family had children that conceived out of wedlock. The parents of this child were not living right: they were living together, addicted to drugs & alcohol, and carelessly putting their newborn child in situations that no child should ever be placed in. I remember one day the devil put in my mind the question, “Why do they have a child they don’t even take care of properly, when I don’t have any?” Quickly, the Lord convicted me and I refused to ever again compare my situation with others. Paul reminded the Corinthian church of this principle in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but thy, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”
5. Allow the Holy Spirit to minister in your life.
Outside of my time in the Word of God, the Holy Spirit used people, music, and life to minister during these difficult days. I remember receiving a CD by West Coast Baptist College & Streams In The Desert that had a song entitled, “He’s Already In Your Tomorrow.” Over and over again the Holy Spirit ministered to me through the words of this song, reminding me that no matter what I face God is already one step ahead. I could trust Him and hope in a great future that is controlled by the Lord Jesus Christ. It was during these days of difficulty that the Lord used the gift of music to encourage me during my trial. Allow the Holy Spirit to use areas of your life to encourage you and strengthen you during this difficulty.
6. Trust God’s Promises.
God has promised the believer, “I will never leave, nor forsake thee.” He promised, “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field…shall he not much more clothe you?” He promised that “All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” What I’m trying to say is, trust God. Tragedies such as this can be extremely difficult, but God has promised over and over again in His Word that He is in control – we must trust that promise!
These 6 things helped us cope during our miscarriages. A few weeks back Kathleen found out that she was expecting again. When we made it past the 5th week we were very hopeful about the future. We were able to hear the heartbeat of our child at week 7, and today at week 11 the doctor’s are very hopeful about this pregnancy. Though we don’t know what the next 6 1/2 months hold, we do know the one who is control of the next 6 1/2 months.
At week 7 when I heard the baby’s heartbeat, I honestly broke down in that doctor’s office. It was as if God was placing His hand on my shoulder reminding me that He always does what is right and what is best.